The King of Peak Grows a 2nd Tongue

You can always count on Matthew Simmons for consistency like a Chinese toy factory. His product might be cheap, the electronics even cheaper, but like China itself, he's constipated with loads of cheap plastic and labor: you can always count on him to crap out predictions comprised of toxicity.

Simmons' mouth has been blazin' the bandwidth with this latest gem:

"We are three, six, maybe nine months away from a price shock. We are not talking about three to five years away -- it will be much sooner."

He also adds "the underlying rate of decline of the world's aging oilfields is as much as 20 percent a year and only high levels of investment can reduce that to single digits." Twenty-percent!? Whooaa. I said it in previous post: peakers have a serious obsession with seeing oil drop to 60 mbpd by 2015; since the 2005 peak hasn't panned out, they've upped their annual decline-rate from 6.5% to ensure prophecy.

All of this coming from a sage who said last December that "we don't have any evidences of a glut," along with, "no way did demand plunge." Say, Mr. Simmons, what happened to the $120-$190 a barrel of oil you predicted for 2005? What ever materialized of the natural gas crisis you and Mike Ruppert envisioned would excoriate America by 2005? Were we experiencing 9% gas growth at one point last year? Mr. Simmons... you've been awfully quiet on the gas situation. Why?

Anyway, the "King of Peak" was recently welcomed as the herald keynote speaker at the Alliance Expo & Annual Meeting. Oil and gas employees welcomed the messiah, his valued forecast of oil wells spitting out volcanic gushes of liquid gold profits, his welcomed narration of enslaved masses hauling wheel barrels full of fortunes to the pump - both of these likely to return soon. This was his gleeful forecast according to the article:

The keynote speaker at the Alliance Expo & Annual Meeting offered a sobering revelation to the oil and gas industry employees seated in front of him: the boom of summer 2008 that sent oil and gas prices skyrocketing was the only truly great situation the industry ever had, and it’s not likely to return any time soon.

#%$!?!? Not any time soon!?!? Mr. Simmons, that's heart-breaking! That's a huge disappointment coming from such a seasoned sage as yourself. You cried last fall that last year's oil decline was a total fake-out; you warned us that oil's death grasp is only taking a breather and will return soon; you've been telling us armageddon is only 6 to 9 months away. Now you're telling the oil and gas industry its 2008 glory days are not coming back anytime soon? Mr. Simmons, you're not just a doomer - you're a two-tongue doomer! Shame on you. Your mind has become as shoddily configured as Wacko Jacko's face-plate.

As fair warning, Mr. Simmons, peak oil prophecy requires a sharp mind, something that gets badly diluted in old age; Ken Deffeyes recently tallied on his 9th failed peak oil prophecy. When the fleets of nanobots are running amok through our air, weaving carbon into who knows what, I imagine you'll be crappin' your depends in the old folks' home, giving ominous warnings about "peak carbon."

- Brewskie