Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mr. Simmons's Mental Capacity Goes Up in Smoke

This ultimately will be a somewhat quick debunker post on the man (a trademark, "heart attack brick burger-like meat stack" is in the pipeline for him=)). I was reading a vaguely noticeable article on "why gas won't go to $4 a gallon this summer (as if anybody couldn't see that)," when this bit was eyeballed (link):

Houston consultant Matthew Simmons sees higher prices ahead as well. OPEC's supply capacity is strained, he said, and the recession has halted refinery expansions, pipeline improvements and offshore-drilling projects. "There's no extra crude in OPEC's pocket," he said. "We have no cushion."

There you have it, folks: "we're screwed;" all coming from the mouth of the man who driveled last winter "we don't have any evidences of a glut," or who's messianic certainty of natural gas Armageddon prevented him from forecasting shale gas's significance, or the gas glut we have now.

Of course for normal people - those who don't flake out their brains from "phalanxing" insidious chemicals from layers of makeup plastered onto one's face (like Wacko Jacko) - who have been paying attention to the news, they have gained clarity of a situation a 1st grader could comprehend: you're wrong, old fart.

Here's the real money shot:

And we fist-pounders demandingly ask: "Where's the beef?"

I hate to run rehashed material into the ground - yah gotta run idiots' heads into roughshod soil like wheel barrels to perk any activity in their frontal lobes! - but Saudi Arabia is or will be adding spare capacity(here, here... poke here), plus has exhibited avarice avity for its vaunted offshore potential; Iran's not shabby with "Great Lakes" oil discoveries (same can't be said for political freedom), then or now; and Iraq, if it can hold its shit together, has a Kobe Bryant-like oil future, with plenty more oil to be found.

Mr. Simmons is a colossal businessman who started his company from scratch; yet he banked an ego the size of his fortune on oil and gas Armageddon. This man has gotten practically nothing right this decade with his dooms day scenario forecast; yet his "fleet" of peak oil Lassie clones slobber their rough collie smiles to every phonon he emits. "Oh no, OPEC has no cushion. We're soo fucked!!"

Mr. Simmons never-the-less persists into his wintry charge of peak oil doom like ravenous Napoleon charged pig-head first into Russia. With such callous disregard to facts, it's no wonder Mr. Simmons played an influencing part with another indefatigable turd:

- Brewskie


  1. He probably owns a lot of oil stock or something, creates panicked buying of it by saying it's running out, and then laughs his way to the bank.


  2. That's his job. Simmons is a "cheerleader", oil could be glutted up the ying yang and he would still be talking shortage.

    It doesn't really matter what the facts are, he'd still be shouting, "shortage, peak was two years ago."

    So don't expect anything different.

  3. I am beginning to wonder how much of the doomer-defeatist community--The Oil Drum, for example--is financed by oil speculators, or even oil exporters. I know if I was an oil exporting nation, especially Russia, I would constantly try to hype shortage, through buzzmakers. If I was long a few billion on oil, yes I would hire a sniveler like a Dave Cohen or Nate Hagens to run doom-monger stories. Of course, I would not directly "hire" them. The money would be laundered through an intermediary who wants a "white paper" published, or other easy subterfuges.
    You know, buzz on the 'net leads buzz on the main media now.

  4. Anon 10:00 AM,

    The Oil Drum is technically a blog. It started off on the Blogger platform and today, it resides on Drupal with thirty-five contributors, as well as guest posts.

    The Oil Drum gets money from donations; it currently does not post advertisements. Kickbacks from elsewhere are unknown.

    It didn't start off this bad and the site does have good writers; the problem is the Drum has been hijacked over the years by luddite/doomer evangelicals who are obstinate about financial moralizing, survival (or "sustainable") gardening and new age communities.